The Rebbe's Take on His 40th Birthday

I am talking about the Piaczezna Rebbe, HYD, not the one you may be thinking about.

Yesterday, Simcha had a screed on Birthdays, essentially saying that there seemed to be no makor in halacha to celebrate birthdays. He ended by saying:

I still don't get it. There are certain milestones that indicate significant achievement, such as reaching the age of mitzvos (12/13), the age beyond premature death (60; cf. Mo'ed Katan 28a), old age (70; cf. Responsa Havas Ya'ir no. 70) and strength (80). I can see celebrating those. But the age of 24, for example, why celebrate that birthday? Unless you are looking for reasons to have a party. That is not how I approach life.

I wrote in a comment that the Rebbe from Piaczezna wrote about his upcoming 40th birthday in his personal journal, Tzav V'ziruz.

Simcha dismissed my comment, saying that:

I'm not interested in rebbishe ma'aselakh about who celebrated what, like that silly melaveh malkah book. I'm interested in why.

I was obviously not trying to bring a halachic source for celbrating birthdays. Only to point out that the Rebbe used his upcoming fortieth birthday as an opportunity to engage in cheshbon hanefesh (personal introspection). I also pointed out how sad it was in light of the fact that the Rebbe was murdered by the Nazis, YS, in Treblinka at the age of 53.

This is chapter 19 of "To Heal the Soul", the English translation of the silly melavah malkah book, Tzav V'ziruz.

Thank God, I am already in my fortieth year of life and in a few months it will be my fortieth birthday. After that begins the decline of life, the beginnings of my old age. I am afraid. Very afraid. Not so much from the inevitable passing of my life but from the spiritual poverty of my years do I shudder: they are gone and past, empty and void, wasted on childish games.

"What will be with you, mortal creature," I tell myself. "Your prime of life is gone, and now, when you've reached your decline, when the inevitable process of dying has begun, only now you remember your creator?"

And even now, can I be sure of myself? How many periods of inspiration and improvement have I already had in my life, and what always happened to them? They passed like snow on a summer's day. This happened at previous transitions in life: before my bar mitzvah, before my wedding....I experienced then such a deep inspiration and I felt so firm in my convictions. I said to myself that from then on I was certain to be God's faithful servant. And who knows if even now, once I become accustomed to being past forty, that the past will not happen again: all the inspiration and aspiration will melt and disappear. As there is no trace left from my earlier inspirations, what will be left of this one?

But I dare not despair! My heart pounds from my impending fortieth birthday, my entire body shakes from my oncoming declining years. Still, I will try to muster all my strength to commit myself and my life to God. Perhaps, perhaps something will remain.

But to what shall I commit myself? To learn more? I think that as far as possible, I don't waste any time. To abstain from physical pleasures? If my own desires are not fooling me, thank God, I am not so attached to them. So what am I missing? Simply to be a Jew. I see myself as a self-portrait that shows all colors and features real to life. Just one thing is missing: the soul.

"God! Master of the World, Who sees my innermost secrets! Before you I confess. You I beseech! I feel so cast aside and distanced from You and from Your Holy
Presence! Help me - I want to become a simple Jew!

God! Save me from wasting the rest of my years chasing the illusions of life! Draw me closer and bring me into Your innermost Presence. Bind me to You forever and ever in wealth of spirit and soul."