The rambling thoughts of a Modern Orthodox Chassid (whatever that means). Contact me at emansouth @

Thursday, December 08, 2005

The Baby, Part IV

"What's going to be with you, little one".

I ask the Baby this question as I feed her at 3 in the morning. She is staring up at me with her big black eyes, drinking her bottle intensely, completely unaware of her circumstances, oblivious to the fact that one day someone in authority may call and say it's time to go back.

Go back to what, I wonder?

Those questions are always on my mind. Always. I know it's the same with MHW. We don't talk about it much but I know they're also on her mind. As painful as it would be, MHW still davens (prays) that the Baby's parents should be able to care for her one day. I think that's what she davens for. At worst, she prays that the Almighty will do what's best for the Baby. I am not so good. I daven that the Baby should stay with us. I am not the Almighty but I know in my heart of hearts that staying with us is what's best for the Baby.

I know this is probably a violation of "Fostering 101", but I can't change how I feel. I was smitten from the minute I laid eyes on her. It only grows more intense the longer we have her.

She is loved, fussed over, protected, secure. Our kids are nuts over her. Other than the fact that she can't nurse her, MHW treats her exactly the way she treated all our other babies. And there is no more devoted mother than MHW.

We joke about what will happen if the Baby does stay with us. Another siddur play. Another chumash play. Even worse, another Uncle Moishe concert. Just when you thought you were safe! These are sacrifices I would gladly make!

We have no control over the situation. In fact, we have almost nothing to say. That's the way the system works. We can only pray that the system does the right thing, not what's politically correct, and does not fail the Baby. If the right answer is that the Baby belongs back with her biological parents we will be heartbroken but accepting. If the wrong answer is that the Baby should go back to her parents but the system does it anyway, we will be heartbroken and devastated.

"What's going to be with you, little one?"



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