The rambling thoughts of a Modern Orthodox Chassid (whatever that means). Contact me at emansouth @

Monday, January 15, 2007


This morning I was walking in town with The Toddler when a friend, passing by in his car, yelled out, "such a good zaiydi!". I responded, "actually, such a good father!".

I can't tell you how often this happens to me and MHW. People in this neighborhood simply don't expect people my age to be walking around with a 20-month-old who is not a grandchild. Even people who know us and know that our grandchildren live 6,000 miles away forget and routinely make this mistake.

It isn't a big deal now because TT doesn't really get it. But soon she will. Hence, today's Request For Proposals.

How should MHW and I respond when people comment about our "grandchild" in front of TT? (This assumes we have not yet adopted her; should we adopt her, the response is easy).

Do we say, "No, this is actually our foster daugther"?

Do we say, "No, this is actually our daughter"?

Any other suggestions?



  • At 1:56 PM, Blogger Unknown said…

    Reading over your previous posts, it's clear that TT is blessed. She is loved like a daughter. You clearly love her like a father. I think you should say, "I am her father." And I hope that you will actually become that! Do you plan to adopt? She sounds like a sweet and wonderful child and she is lucky to be with you.

  • At 5:49 PM, Blogger kishke said…

    I vote daughter.

  • At 7:10 PM, Blogger uberimma said…

    I would just say, "I'm not Zayde, I'm Abba." That leaves the fostering out of it and won't change if you adopt her or once she's old enough to understand. So far as she's concerned Abba is just your name. My kids have a Bubbe/Zayde (genetic) and a Saba/Savta (not genetic) and even a Grandma/Grandpa (also not genetic). I suspect it will be many years before they figure it out.

  • At 11:35 PM, Blogger MoChassid said…


    I think that's very smart.

    Thanks for the sweet words, veronique. We are lucky to be with her.

  • At 2:02 PM, Blogger DovBear said…

    I don't know why you let your neighbor call you zaydie. Doesn't he say shmona esray? The "zaydim" were not good people.

  • At 2:05 PM, Blogger DovBear said…

    I agree with UberImma. If you call her your daughter, it might make the seperation, should it happen, more difficult then nec.

  • At 1:26 PM, Blogger ifuncused said…

    My mom, who married later than the average 20 year old, had me in her very late 30's (this is 30 years ago, before parents walked down the kids chupah pregnant). People would comment on her "eynikal" and she would resond "eyer einekel" and then they realized that it was a daughter/son and NOT a grandchild!


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