J Scholastic Sports IV - Parents and Coaches
As much as I love scholastic sports (and floor hockey in particular), there are two major problems: Bad coaches and parents.
Let's take coaches first. A good coach can have tremendous positive effects on kids. He (or she) can instill a sense of discipline, camaraderie, teamwork, fairness and a work ethic. I have known coaches who have straightened kids out and changed their lives for the better. A bad coach, particularly one that can't control his kids or his own temper, can be a terrible influence.
Parents can be even worse. Parents are obviously very invested in their kids, including how they do in sports. Some parents, however, take this to an extreme. Over the years, I have routinely seen frum parents verbally abuse referees (often teenagers who are refing or umping games for a few extra bucks). On a number of occasions, it has come close to getting physical. I have also seen parents abuse kids from other teams. Indeed, before the beginning of every little league season, the youth director at one of the local shuls sends out a mailing reminding parents to put the games in perspective and, essentially, grow up.
(By the way, this phenomenon is not limited to kids' leagues. I quit the Young Israel adult softball league many years ago because I was tired of the arguing and whining. The only thing worse is a lawyers' league. Hamayvin Yavin).
This all came home last night at my son's JV hockey game, a semi-final playoff. My son's team is the number one seed and was heavily favored to win. They did not disappoint, dominating every phase of the game and winning 5 - 0. Shots on goal were about 40 to 3.
The referee, one of the most competent in the league, called five penalties on the other team (including three on one talentless goon of a defenseman who was head-hunting and was ultimately thrown out of the game for cursing at the ref) and only one on my son's team. While at first glance this may seem inherently unfair, one needs to keep in mind the fact that the ball was in my son's teams offensive zone for 90% of the time. In truth, he could easily have called another one or two penalties on the other team.
You wouldn't have known it from the sore-loser behavior of other teams' coach and parents. They were verbally abusing the refs for most of the game, especially in the third period. It got very ugly. It was fortunate that the boys on the other team, to their credit (and notwithstanding the pathetic behavior of their own coach), maintained their composure and did not go head-hunting with the game effectively out of reach.
After the game, one of the mothers of a boy on the other team commented to MHW that our team will do well so long as we have that referee working for us. MHW did not bother to respond but she could have pointed out, among other things, that we also beat that team 5 - 1 at their home court with different referees. (The truth is that our son's team could play the other team 100 times and would win 100 times no matter who the refs were.)
It's very sad. Instead of telling the kids, "great game, you played hard and hung in there against a much more talented team" (all true), they were sore losers, verbally abused the refs in front of their own kids and then blamed the loss on the refs. What lessons are they imparting to the kids?
As much as I love scholastic sports (and floor hockey in particular), there are two major problems: Bad coaches and parents.
Let's take coaches first. A good coach can have tremendous positive effects on kids. He (or she) can instill a sense of discipline, camaraderie, teamwork, fairness and a work ethic. I have known coaches who have straightened kids out and changed their lives for the better. A bad coach, particularly one that can't control his kids or his own temper, can be a terrible influence.
Parents can be even worse. Parents are obviously very invested in their kids, including how they do in sports. Some parents, however, take this to an extreme. Over the years, I have routinely seen frum parents verbally abuse referees (often teenagers who are refing or umping games for a few extra bucks). On a number of occasions, it has come close to getting physical. I have also seen parents abuse kids from other teams. Indeed, before the beginning of every little league season, the youth director at one of the local shuls sends out a mailing reminding parents to put the games in perspective and, essentially, grow up.
(By the way, this phenomenon is not limited to kids' leagues. I quit the Young Israel adult softball league many years ago because I was tired of the arguing and whining. The only thing worse is a lawyers' league. Hamayvin Yavin).
This all came home last night at my son's JV hockey game, a semi-final playoff. My son's team is the number one seed and was heavily favored to win. They did not disappoint, dominating every phase of the game and winning 5 - 0. Shots on goal were about 40 to 3.
The referee, one of the most competent in the league, called five penalties on the other team (including three on one talentless goon of a defenseman who was head-hunting and was ultimately thrown out of the game for cursing at the ref) and only one on my son's team. While at first glance this may seem inherently unfair, one needs to keep in mind the fact that the ball was in my son's teams offensive zone for 90% of the time. In truth, he could easily have called another one or two penalties on the other team.
You wouldn't have known it from the sore-loser behavior of other teams' coach and parents. They were verbally abusing the refs for most of the game, especially in the third period. It got very ugly. It was fortunate that the boys on the other team, to their credit (and notwithstanding the pathetic behavior of their own coach), maintained their composure and did not go head-hunting with the game effectively out of reach.
After the game, one of the mothers of a boy on the other team commented to MHW that our team will do well so long as we have that referee working for us. MHW did not bother to respond but she could have pointed out, among other things, that we also beat that team 5 - 1 at their home court with different referees. (The truth is that our son's team could play the other team 100 times and would win 100 times no matter who the refs were.)
It's very sad. Instead of telling the kids, "great game, you played hard and hung in there against a much more talented team" (all true), they were sore losers, verbally abused the refs in front of their own kids and then blamed the loss on the refs. What lessons are they imparting to the kids?
posted by MoChassid @ 9:09 AM
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