Tolerance
Most of the things I listed that drive me crazy are really stupid. It's ironic that such silly things drive me nuts because, in general, I deal very well with the big picture items. I almost never lose my temper and I almost never raise my voice. I don't think I've raised my voice at work more than 3 times in 24 years. But if someone davens with the wrong nusach, I stew.
What is the proper approach to overcoming this goofiness?
I know it can be done because when I was younger traffic used to make me meshugah. Now, it doesn't bother me because I really worked on not letting it bother me. What's the key?
I think intolerance results when two closely-related midos come together and a third midah is missing: gaiva and ka'as (self-importance or conceit and anger) are abundant while the ability to be dan l'kaf z'chus (judge others favorably) is missing. If one thinks that the world revolves around him then he will be bothered by anything that doesn't conform exactly to his way of thinking and will not give the benefit of the doubt in connection with that matter. So, for example, if I get upset that someone mumbles when he davens for the amud it's because in my world view, someone who can't pronounce the words shouldn't be matriach the oilam by davening for the amud. And, my ka'as, which is just the flip side of gaiva, kicks in. The other way to look at this, of course, (and the way MHW looks at everything), is "Ok, it's true he's mumbling but he's trying hard. And, you have to give him credit. He's a Ba'al Teshuva who just recently learned how to read Hebrew and has so much respect for his departed parent that he wants to honor him by davening for the amud during his year of aveilus (mourning)."
In every situation there is some way (sometimes, admittedly, not so easy), to find an excuse for someone's behavior. I have heard Rav Yissocher Frand say that if you've tried every which way to be dan l'kaf z'chus and just can't find an opening it's better to conclude that the person is just not too smart rather than thinking bad about him (midah-wise).
Now, of course, the trick is to put this plan into action. With just a few days to go before Rosh Chodesh Elul, it's a good time to start trying.
Most of the things I listed that drive me crazy are really stupid. It's ironic that such silly things drive me nuts because, in general, I deal very well with the big picture items. I almost never lose my temper and I almost never raise my voice. I don't think I've raised my voice at work more than 3 times in 24 years. But if someone davens with the wrong nusach, I stew.
What is the proper approach to overcoming this goofiness?
I know it can be done because when I was younger traffic used to make me meshugah. Now, it doesn't bother me because I really worked on not letting it bother me. What's the key?
I think intolerance results when two closely-related midos come together and a third midah is missing: gaiva and ka'as (self-importance or conceit and anger) are abundant while the ability to be dan l'kaf z'chus (judge others favorably) is missing. If one thinks that the world revolves around him then he will be bothered by anything that doesn't conform exactly to his way of thinking and will not give the benefit of the doubt in connection with that matter. So, for example, if I get upset that someone mumbles when he davens for the amud it's because in my world view, someone who can't pronounce the words shouldn't be matriach the oilam by davening for the amud. And, my ka'as, which is just the flip side of gaiva, kicks in. The other way to look at this, of course, (and the way MHW looks at everything), is "Ok, it's true he's mumbling but he's trying hard. And, you have to give him credit. He's a Ba'al Teshuva who just recently learned how to read Hebrew and has so much respect for his departed parent that he wants to honor him by davening for the amud during his year of aveilus (mourning)."
In every situation there is some way (sometimes, admittedly, not so easy), to find an excuse for someone's behavior. I have heard Rav Yissocher Frand say that if you've tried every which way to be dan l'kaf z'chus and just can't find an opening it's better to conclude that the person is just not too smart rather than thinking bad about him (midah-wise).
Now, of course, the trick is to put this plan into action. With just a few days to go before Rosh Chodesh Elul, it's a good time to start trying.
posted by MoChassid @ 5:25 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home