FosterBoy Turns Twelve
It is hard to believe, but FosterBoy turns twelve tomorrow. What's equally hard to belive is that our relationship with him started over 6 years ago, just before his 6th birthday.
For those of you who are new to this space, let me give you a tiny bit of background. Fosterboy was taken out of his parents' home when he was almost 5 (his biological parents' parental rights have since been terminated after many years of litigation). He has been in at least 5 foster homes (probably more, but I can't remember them all), and three institutions. He has spent the last 2.5 years in institutions. He has seen his three siblings either adopted or pre-adopted while he languishes in a residence with his chances of being adopted fading with every passing year. He is the only Jewish (let alone Orthodox) child in his current residence. He can engage you in a conversation of more depth than most 12 year-olds yet can't make change for a dollar because of severe learning disabilities. He has not had formal Jewish schooling in almost three years yet he says brachas, benches and recites asher yatzar after going to the bathroom. He is the sweetest kid you will ever meet but you will be wiped out tired after spending one day with him. He has psychiatric issues that countless doctors and professionals have still not figured out or diagnosed properly. He is an enigma.
The mumchim at his current residence have decided that since the MoC family is unable to foster Fosterboy on a permanent basis (long story, but we've tried twice, for a total period of almost two years and it simply isn't going to work) they will not permit him to spend any substantial amount of time with us. They have limited his visits to one day a month and have forbidden overnights of Shabbosos. I understand their reasoning but I think they are simply wrong. I think that Fosterboy has processed the fact that he will not be coming to us permanently and accepts it. He also understands that we love him and will always care for him (and take care of him). But, as MHW and I have found out, foster parents have very little to say and ex-foster parents have absolutely nothing to say about the cases they are involved in.
In any event, the monthly visit was today. We jampacked as much as we could to try to make the day special. Batting range, miniature golf, pizza, swimming, BBQ, birthday cake, lots of presents from those who love Fosterboy, including my in-laws, my brother and sister-in-law and Fosterboy's former "big brother", Eric, a young tzadik who has been involved with Fosterboy even longer than we and also gets a once-a-month visit. He had a great day and, as usual, put up an amazingly strong front when it was time to leave. Fosterboy is a gibor.
It is hard to imagine what his daily existence must be like. (Don't get me wrong, the people in the residence are very nice. The place is benign; it is just that culturally it is an entirely different world from the one (even the unstable one) that he is used to).
The main hope for Fosterboy is that there is a couple out there somewhere that has grown children, who can focus entirely on Fosterboy and who are interested in saving a Jewish boy. Short of that, MHW and I just don't know.
It is hard to believe, but FosterBoy turns twelve tomorrow. What's equally hard to belive is that our relationship with him started over 6 years ago, just before his 6th birthday.
For those of you who are new to this space, let me give you a tiny bit of background. Fosterboy was taken out of his parents' home when he was almost 5 (his biological parents' parental rights have since been terminated after many years of litigation). He has been in at least 5 foster homes (probably more, but I can't remember them all), and three institutions. He has spent the last 2.5 years in institutions. He has seen his three siblings either adopted or pre-adopted while he languishes in a residence with his chances of being adopted fading with every passing year. He is the only Jewish (let alone Orthodox) child in his current residence. He can engage you in a conversation of more depth than most 12 year-olds yet can't make change for a dollar because of severe learning disabilities. He has not had formal Jewish schooling in almost three years yet he says brachas, benches and recites asher yatzar after going to the bathroom. He is the sweetest kid you will ever meet but you will be wiped out tired after spending one day with him. He has psychiatric issues that countless doctors and professionals have still not figured out or diagnosed properly. He is an enigma.
The mumchim at his current residence have decided that since the MoC family is unable to foster Fosterboy on a permanent basis (long story, but we've tried twice, for a total period of almost two years and it simply isn't going to work) they will not permit him to spend any substantial amount of time with us. They have limited his visits to one day a month and have forbidden overnights of Shabbosos. I understand their reasoning but I think they are simply wrong. I think that Fosterboy has processed the fact that he will not be coming to us permanently and accepts it. He also understands that we love him and will always care for him (and take care of him). But, as MHW and I have found out, foster parents have very little to say and ex-foster parents have absolutely nothing to say about the cases they are involved in.
In any event, the monthly visit was today. We jampacked as much as we could to try to make the day special. Batting range, miniature golf, pizza, swimming, BBQ, birthday cake, lots of presents from those who love Fosterboy, including my in-laws, my brother and sister-in-law and Fosterboy's former "big brother", Eric, a young tzadik who has been involved with Fosterboy even longer than we and also gets a once-a-month visit. He had a great day and, as usual, put up an amazingly strong front when it was time to leave. Fosterboy is a gibor.
It is hard to imagine what his daily existence must be like. (Don't get me wrong, the people in the residence are very nice. The place is benign; it is just that culturally it is an entirely different world from the one (even the unstable one) that he is used to).
The main hope for Fosterboy is that there is a couple out there somewhere that has grown children, who can focus entirely on Fosterboy and who are interested in saving a Jewish boy. Short of that, MHW and I just don't know.
posted by MoChassid @ 10:11 PM
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