No Yoplait...Now I Feel Safe

I had a surrealistic experience at Newark Airport yesterday.

While going through the metal detector and putting my bags through the X-Ray machine, my backpack was randomly picked out for a explosives exam.

Fair enough. That happens from time to time and someone who travels as frequently as I is bound to get picked out from time to time.

Then, for some reason, the explosive alarm was triggered when they tested my bag. Must have been the Mojo Bars.

They then proceeded to test every. single. item. in. my. bag.

Then they patted me down.

Then they strip searched me.

I know, I'm pretty scary. When the half-hour ordeal was over, the TSA officer wished me a good trip. Thank you.

(Luckily, I kept my cool and did not miss my flight (or land in jail) by telling them how idiotic this all was).

The good news is that their diligence wasn't just limited to me.

While this was all happening, they also patted down an 80 year-old couple who could barely walk because they couldn't go through the metal detector (because they both had pacemakers). This is reassuring since we all know how many terrorist actions have been perpetrated by barely breathing 80-year-old white couples.

Finally, the alert TSA crew also confiscated a Yoplait from a two year old chareidi girl. The supervisor ruled that while yogurt was ok, Yoplait was a liquid and, therefore, verbotten. Now I really feel safe.