The rambling thoughts of a Modern Orthodox Chassid (whatever that means). Contact me at emansouth @

Friday, November 07, 2008

No Yoplait...Now I Feel Safe

I had a surrealistic experience at Newark Airport yesterday.

While going through the metal detector and putting my bags through the X-Ray machine, my backpack was randomly picked out for a explosives exam.

Fair enough. That happens from time to time and someone who travels as frequently as I is bound to get picked out from time to time.

Then, for some reason, the explosive alarm was triggered when they tested my bag. Must have been the Mojo Bars.

They then proceeded to test every. single. item. in. my. bag.

Then they patted me down.

Then they strip searched me.

I know, I'm pretty scary. When the half-hour ordeal was over, the TSA officer wished me a good trip. Thank you.

(Luckily, I kept my cool and did not miss my flight (or land in jail) by telling them how idiotic this all was).

The good news is that their diligence wasn't just limited to me.

While this was all happening, they also patted down an 80 year-old couple who could barely walk because they couldn't go through the metal detector (because they both had pacemakers). This is reassuring since we all know how many terrorist actions have been perpetrated by barely breathing 80-year-old white couples.

Finally, the alert TSA crew also confiscated a Yoplait from a two year old chareidi girl. The supervisor ruled that while yogurt was ok, Yoplait was a liquid and, therefore, verbotten. Now I really feel safe.



  • At 8:23 AM, Blogger Jacob Da Jew said…

    When will the doofuses in charge of the TSA realize that profiling is necc during security checks?

  • At 9:01 AM, Blogger Originally From Brooklyn said…

    Hey you never know. The old people have less years to loose when it comes to killing themselves. They are looking forward to adult diapers, and at that point anything seems more hopeful, maybe even a boom to Islamic heaven. lol.

  • At 9:50 AM, Blogger ThePeoplesChamp said…

    all you said is true, I just cant imagine the look on your face while going through this ordeal.
    Cab ride to airport: $60
    First Class to Israel: $6500
    MoC's look on his face while being given the "Mohammad Ali Salaam" treatent by the TSA: Priceless

  • At 10:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    i still haven't gotten past the strip search...... i hope you were wearing your bike shorts.

  • At 1:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    the pacemaker couldve been some type of timing device...

  • At 3:25 PM, Blogger and so it shall be... said…

    From now on, you shall be know as MoMoslem.

  • At 11:48 AM, Blogger MoChassid said…


    It was mesiras nefesh to keep calm.

    But your figures are off. I actually flew in the back of the bus this time with hamon am.

    And the cab was much more; woodmere to newark.

  • At 8:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    a real actual strip search? is there any way to opt out of that? Can u just say" hey feel free to wand me as much as you'd like but im not really up taking off my clothes". Unreal.shavuah tov.Brad

  • At 7:16 AM, Blogger ThePeoplesChamp said…


    Transatlantic in the back of the bus! I guess it's not "all business".

    Newark to Woodmere probably cost you almost as much as the flight ticket.

  • At 2:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    hey, what the heck! didn't you get all depressed six months ago and write that you were quiting this blog?
    i started going back to look for the post for an appropriate quote or two to remind everyone about it, but there were too many.

    So much for having no more energy for it...

  • At 11:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    A few years ago a family group of approximately 9 people went thru the security check. The person selected for a thorough security check(including removal of her boots) was my "terrorist" 85 year old mother. Thank goodness we have the TSA


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