More on Trust

Robert Avrech points out that:

A pattern has emerged in mail that I receive from children who have read (his wonderful new book) The Hebrew Kid and the Apache Maiden. The issue of trust, whom to trust and the consequences of trusting the right person, comes up over and over again. I have to admit, but as I was writing the book, it's not something to which I gave a great deal of thought. Several children have pointed out that if Ariel, The Hebrew Kid, had not trusted a certain person then disaster would have befallen him and his family.

This emphasis on trust should not be surprising for children live in a world that is predicated upon trusting adults for their safety (emphasis mine).

Robert's point was really brought home this week. We* are fostering a couple of three year old potato heads for a few days. Their regular foster parents are away on vacation and we* are providing a five day respite. When they came the other day, they walked in the door and proceeded to lie on their backs on the floor in the vestibule and cry. Nothing we did got them to move. I tried all my old tricks (funny faces, funny noises, a video, food, etc.) but nothing worked. Finally, after more than a half hour, I said, "hey, let's play with some trucks", put my arms out to one of them, and he jumped in. The other one quickly followed.

I took them to the den where we had a whole bunch of toy cars and trucks. They immediately had huge smiles on their faces and dug right in. After a while, we got them to eat, take baths and get to sleep (rather easily). The next day, and every day since, they've been well behaved and amazingly comfortable. (Sadly, after less than 24 hours, they were already calling MHW 'mommy').

As Robert Avrech pointed out, I think these kids were simply displaying what comes naturally to kids; the inherent desire (need?) to trust adults for theit safety. As soon as the boys got comfortable that they were safe, their demeanor changed and they were with the program. I think as parents we need to think about this more.

* I use the term "we" in the "what you mean we, Kimosabi" way. I leave to shul before the boys get up and I get home either after they are sleeping or a half hour before, after they've already been played with, bathed and fed. MHW and my younger daughter are the real "we".

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Many people have asked how 'fosterboy' is doing. Without giving away any confidences or going into detail I am happy to report that he spends most Shabboses with us and continues to do very well. Thanks for asking.