Fleeting Moments III: Happy Birthday Baby

The hardest part is the uncertainty.

Tomorrow is the Baby's first birthday. There is no more certainty about her situation today than there was when she appeared at our doorstep ten months ago. Nothing has changed, but everything has changed.

The Baby is thriving. She is a happy, bouncy, playful, smiley, beautiful baby. We have raised the baby as our own. She is a part of the family. She is one of the kids. We are all hopelessly in love with her. It's that simple.

We never talk about about her leaving. We try not to even think about it. But we do. I get a sick feeling in my stomach when those thoughts cross my mind.

Don't get me wrong. I feel great sympathy for the parents. But we still want to keep the Baby. For two reasons. First, selfishly, we love her and could not bear to lose her. We would be devastated if she left.

But that would be our problem. When we signed on as foster parents, we signed up for that risk. (Of course, we could never have imagined that we would be in the position we're in.)

Most importantly, in my heart of hearts I believe that it is in the Baby's best interest to stay with us. I can't get into details. I just believe it's true. Without a shadow of a doubt.

In the meantime, we ignore all these things. We just go from day to day, taking care of the Baby, loving the baby, enjoying the Baby, doing all the things you do with a one-year old Baby.

The only difference about tomorrow is that tomorrow is her birthday.