The rambling thoughts of a Modern Orthodox Chassid (whatever that means). Contact me at emansouth @

Monday, April 16, 2007

Umbrella Rage

We have all heard of road rage. I am here to report that the next iteration of road rage is umbrella rage and New York City will be the capital of umbrella rage.

I don't know when this trend started but these days more and more people are using umbrellas that are half-a-city-block big. You know, the kind that once were relegated to the golf course? Many of them have two layers (what's up with that?).

The problem is that so many people are using them, it is impossible to walk down the street without smashing into someone else's umbrella. This problem is exacerbated by the fact that three quarters of the city seems to be covered with scaffolding, further reducing the usable footage in which to walk.

I get why people use them. The traditional umbrellas kept one's head dry but that was about it. The new umbrellas are good for families of four.

Nevertheless, I know that one day soon, someone is going to pull out a gun and shoot the next person who bumps into him with a mega umbrella.

You will have heard it here first.



  • At 7:34 PM, Blogger Jewish Deaf Motorcycling Dad said…

    You said Many of them have two layers (what's up with that?).

    They are good for when it's windy, the design lets the wind blow through (the bottom layer has a big hole in the middle, the top layer covers the hole, leaving a gap) without turning the umbrella inside out and breaking it. For some reason, my office building seems perfectly designed to tunnel the wind alongside the building. I ruined several umbrellas by walking to the entrance on a rainy day. I finally got one of the two layered ones, and have been using it for over a year with no inversion. I do raise the umbrella high when passing someone else with an umbrella to avoid hitting them though. (I don't live in the NYC area, so don't know how well that would work in the larger crowds).


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